Hanging out with church friends has been a strange balancing act lately.
I love my non-LDS friendships. They are powerful, strong and special. I also really love my friends from church. I really value their spiritual experiences, strength and advice. I enjoy hanging out with them, knowing that I really don't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable. Of course, we have some interpretation differences here and there. That's normal. But for the most part, our experiences, values, hopes, dreams and goals are very similar.
Recently, I've felt weird about the delicate balance of hanging out with church friends. Someone always feels left out. Because church families are so close, it is difficult to hang out with some but not all. It's impossible to get together with every church friend. It's impossible to invite everyone out to lunch. Small group friendships are important too. Yet, I don't want anyone to feel left out either.
We do our best to have different friends and families to our home for smores' throughout the summer. But hanging out isn't just about inviting people over. It's all about dynamics too. My kids getting along with other people's kids, my husband clicking with the other husband, etc. It's such a balancing act.
My sweet friends that I went to Mama Mia and New York with are an interesting group. We're all so different and yet the dynamic of that group is special. We don't hang as a group with all of our children and husbands. Yet, when it's the women, it's crazy and amazing. We've taken some flack for not "inviting" everyone. I honestly feel bad about that sometimes. But other times, I realize that the dynamics would change too.
So much feeds into friendships. I feel close to many other church friends. How can I hang out with a small group without hurting others? Big groups are fun. Small groups are fun. Both have their place. But how can I balance it? Does this sounds totally weird? I can't believe I worry about this stuff. But if you know me, you know I dislike hurting other people.
Everyone can't do everything together. That is really the bottom line. So, Bry and I will continue to have friends over randomly throughout the summer trying to build those friendships. I'll just keep being me, calling and chillin' with my pals in all my "spare time." Hee hee!
My sweet friend Kinney said it best........"Don't we hope that our closest friends have other friendships too? Would we wish for others to only have one friend in the whole world?"
Thanks for readin' this silly blog about something that has been buggin'!
4 comments:
When we were new in the ward an older sister (in her 50's - very young now that I think of it) said that they stopped doing things with couples in the ward because people were hurt when they weren't included. I thought that was so sad but it's true. There are times when we want to have people over but where do you draw the line. You literally can't invite everyone.
I think we all want and need friends but I agree, it's a delicate balance in the church. Just spread the love around - by the way the people who feel left out usually never invite anyone to their home...
I found your blog from Nicole Rollins and enjoy reading it. I have often wondered how to include everyone, and your honest answer that you can't every time, is true. You do a fantastic job of being friendly, and I agree, if someone feels left out the best way is to be the one to start inviting others over.
I hate that feeling and I agree whole-heartedly with you. From personal experience, you are such an open and friendly person that I think anyone would/could/should understand that not every activity you hold can include everybody!
What a great quote from Kinney. I want it on a quote wall somewhere :)
I have always thought the you guys do an excellent job "friendshipping." And I absolutely believe that the ones offended are the ones never doing the inviting. Friendships take effort contributed from both sides!
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